When You Learn How To Ask Better Questions You Get Life-Changing Answers

"God, grant me the serenity to accept people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know-it's me!" John Miller

"What can I do to increase my productivity and become more personally accountable? How can I develop my skills to model the actions of an accountable citizen of America?"  You've taken two big steps already. Learning how to ask better questions is a vital component. Those first two questions are an excellent start.

The skills to implement the answers are found within the pages of this website and the lessons from experts. We'll highlight one of those excellent instructors in this page.

In this page we'll show you how to avoid victim mentality, blaming others, complaining about circumstances outside our control, and moving past procrastination. It all begins with changing some words and then learning a little more about putting things into action. We'll link to pages that will help with specific skills.

Whether you're looking for a way to create a better personal relationship, an improved work environment, or some help in shaking out the stress and the doldrums that are holding you back from greater happiness, learning how to ask better questions and why you should even bother will be presented as you read along. So lets get started.

How To Ask Better Questions

Don't let the simplicity of this first step cause you to drift away. Simple, easy-to-implement action steps are always the most effective. We get caught up in the flowery side banter too often and make things more difficult than they need to be. Remember this most important axiom of personal accountability. It all begins with the person in the mirror.

First off, when you ask questions, don't begin with "why," when," or "who." Instead begin with words like "what" or "how." The primary reasons to know how to ask better questions are to understand people better and to become more effective, more productive, and to model personal accountability for other people.

* "Why is this happening to me?"

* "Who is responsible for this mess?'

* "When is this going to get better?"

All three questions pass the blame away from ourselves and project the reasons and consequences on to someone else. "Woe is me" is how we describe this victim mentality in our editorial room.

In his great little book "QBQ! The Question Behind The Question," author John Miller teaches us this nugget of wisdom. "Remember: The answers are in the questions."

When we learn how to ask better questions we move past that woe is me syndrome into problem-solving mode. We put our minds to work taking positive action steps.

* "What can I do right now to make things better?"

* "How can I help fix this challenge?"

* "What can I do to help you get past this rough patch in your life."

These better questions all begin with words like "what" or "how." They all contain the crucial "I" which puts the emphasis on personal accountability to make things better and they also present an action step.

So no one is confused, asking a question that begins with why, who, or when with the intention of gathering information, such as 'What time does the mail arrive?" isn't what this page is about. Intent is the indicator. If the intent is to complain or blame, ask better questions.

In his book, John Miller shares what we feel is a hilarious and spot-on image of victim mentality and blaming everyone else to escape any ownership of problems and challenges. When we learn to ask better questions, we take ownership of our personal accountability. We'll delve into that ownership in the next section.

coat of arms

Ownership And Modeling

"Ownership: A commitment of the head, heart, and hands to fix the problem and never again affix the blame."

John Miller writes, "Ownership does not require...holding an official position of leadership. It simply means facing problems head-on instead of blaming, complaining, procrastinating, or making excuses. Ownership is personal accountability in it's purest form."

One of our co-editors shared a story of living in the quagmire of a codependent relationship. He also shared how he got away from it. He learned how to ask better questions that harnessed his focus on changing and improving himself. Everything begins inward.

Since I've known him, he has modeled the concept of asking better questions with the intent to always be a better listener, to understand the person in front of him and to help if asked. But through it all, everything begins with asking better questions so he can always be accountable and walk the talk.

"The definition of integrity is this: Being what I say I am by acting in accordance with my words."  John Miller

A line that resonated with me right away from our featured book had to do with the comparison of responsibility to accountability. We wrote a full page on this distinction. "How To Be More Responsible" is our most-read page every month. Being responsible is essential to becoming an accountable citizen.

A good way to look at it in this page is to understand that learning how to ask better questions is a great tool for everyone seeking to be more responsible for their own lives so their thoughts and actions walk their talk and model the way an accountable person lives their life.

In conclusion, ask better questions to get better answers. Ask questions that will inspire us to look first inward on how I can be better, be more understanding, help the team succeed, walk my talk.

You can't change everyone. In fact, you can only change yourself. But you might be the one person someone will watch and decide to do what you do and begin to change themselves. Maybe they will ask better questions, listen more intently to the answers and move the chain forward?

qbq John Miller

I encourage you to read "QBQ! The Question Behind The Question" by John Miller. I encourage you to check out the two links just below and read the particular skills in those pages that will help you implement what you learned on this page.

I encourage you to take those new skills and model them in your life everyday. Who is watching you? When they see you acting on the answers to better questions, they just might shake the victim mentality and blame cycle that is bogging them down?

You can't change anyone but yourself. But you can inspire people to learn from your words and actions to begin to make positive changes in their own lives.

Being Accountable For Your Actions

Leadership And Self Development Resources

Teams are collective entities. Nations are collective entities. But they are made up of individuals. When we as individuals decide to be accountable for our words and actions, we change parts of those entities for the better. Maybe just a little, but just a little multiplied becomes a seismic change.

Learn how to ask better questions and act on the better answers. Replace "Why is it so hard?" with "How can I make it better?"

"All QBQs contain an "I," not "they," "we," or "you." Questions that contain an "I" turn our focus away from other people, and circumstances and put it back on ourselves, where it can do the most good. We can't change other people. We often can't control circumstances and events. The only things we have any real control over are our own thoughts and actions. Asking questions that focus our efforts and energy on what we can do makes us significantly more effective, not to mention less frustrated and happier." John Miller

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