Accountable Citizens Updates

Learning the Art of Listening Through Some Common Sense Methods

Mastering the art of listening is the most effective skill in bringing about positive change.

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Learning About Mindfulness Worked For Me

(Editor's note: Yes, this success story is worthwhile and yes, the 60's and 70's were a long time ago!) You asked for success stories to be shared. I'm

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How To Practice Mindfulness. Two Simple, Transformative Steps.

Don't let the title throw you. Learning how to practice mindfulness is a vital skill for leadership development.

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Sacrifice On Memorial Day And Every Day

(Editors note: Written by T.O. Illustratio)

Overnight, a heavy blanket of fog covered the ground. The prior day was one of steady rain, only relenting in it's soaking of the soil in the last hours of daylight. Those final hours offered a blast of full sun as it neared the horizon and sunset took hold. Those were conditions conducive to fog development and it happened as predicted. But by mid-morning, the power of the solar heat had dissipated the murky gloom, giving way to a glorious new day.

As was the tradition, the local scouts marked the graves of every fallen service member with an American flag. The fresh cut grass offered an aroma of springtime renewal. The local high school band prepared diligently and they were on their game as they led the parade into the cemetery for the inspiring tribute to those who died in service to the United States.

Following the Memorial Day celebration, most of the attendees went their separate ways, some to family barbecues, some to waterfront get-away. But not everyone went home to relax. Some went back to work.

Police officers who serve and protect, remained on duty, safeguarding the citizenry. Similarly, fire fighters and first responders, doctors and nurses, held the line in case they were needed. The current contingent of soldiers remained at the ready, steeled by their determination that no one would harm American citizens. Not on their watch.

Sacrifice takes on many forms. On Memorial Day, we especially honor those who gave their lives defending our nation. This humble scribe is reminded of a quote from Gen George Patton. "It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived."

Sacrifice is also found among those who serve right now, who run into danger to protect us while others run away from the same peril. Sacrifice further requires those same servants of our nation, to stay true to their duty to serve and protect, while being demonized by the malicious voices.

Should they utter the same type of criticism in the lands they think they are supporting, their fate would be harshly sealed. But in America, they are free to spout any form of vilification. Perhaps those critics should just say thank you and look around at their blessings?

Service above self is difficult. Whether volunteering in the most disadvantaged areas, serving in hospitals and fire departments, protecting in police departments, or in our military, know this. We who see clearly, who learned from history, are grateful to all of you.

We'll hold the line with you!

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We Get Good At What We Practice. Someone Might Need To Choose Wisely.

Our choices become our habits and we get good at what we practice. Our own story shows how practicing reinforces good results or wasted time.

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Leadership Quotes By Great Leaders for Daily Fortitude and Inspiration

Start the New Year off on fire beginning each day with the power of these leadership quotes by great leaders. What we put into our minds determines our actions.

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I'm Living Proof That It Works

I knew I was right. The fact that the guy in front of me couldn't recognize the obvious was not my problem. I wasn't going to sit there and let him blather on, fully displaying his incompetence. I'd set him straight and send him on his way.

Sadly, this isn't a one-off confession. This was my nature. I was quick to interrupt and skilled at trapping people in their own words after getting them rattled.

This character flaw of mine was a big part in our two pages about better listening. You can find links to those pages in the page directory, located in the right margin of every page. As we focus on thinking this week, becoming a better listener is a springboard to clear thinking.

My fellow editor taught me something a while back that shook me out of my compulsion to have the last word. During a verbal debate, I never faced any argument. It was a one-sided debate. I talked and my fellow editor just listened, just remained calm, all the while thinking about my rant. Thinking, quietly listening. Calm problem solving.

I'd love to report right here that I only needed one lesson to see the error in my ways. I'd love to write that, but it would be a lie. No, I had to be sure I was really wrong, so it took me quite a few lessons and even more lost relationships. Of course, it wasn't my fault. It was everyone else, not me.

If you read my story about my self-imposed exile in a codependent mess, you have an idea where my head was at this point in my life. The link is just below if you haven't read it yet.

How To Stop Being Codependent

It's really such a simple thing. We breathe everyday to live. If we can just learn to practice this simple step, just take a breath before speaking, our leadership skills will grow exponentially.

I hadn't read Richard Carlson's book from which the excerpt appeared in our last installment, during my personal time living in the proof of his message. I'm grateful that my co-editor believed in me when I really didn't deserve such confidence. It was a turning point for me and now I'm paying it forward.

Listen, be present, and take a breath before you speak. I'm living proof that it works. Now it's part of my job to help as many others as I can, understand it and develop their own leadership skills.

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"Breathe Before You Speak"

This short chapter from Richard Carlson's great little book, "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff, and it's all small stuff" is part of our theme about thinking this week. Tomorrow we'll share a personal confession about the flip side.

"This simple strategy has had remarkable results for virtually everyone I know who has tried it. The almost immediate results include increased patience, added perspective, and, as a side benefit, more gratitude and respect from others.

The strategy itself is remarkably simple. It involves nothing more than pausing - breathing - after the person to whom you are speaking is finished. At first, the time gap between your voices may seem like an eternity - but in reality, it amounts to only a fraction of a second of actual time.

You will get used to the power and beauty of breathing, and you will come to appreciate it as well. It will bring you closer to, and earn you more respect from, virtually everyone you come in contact with. You'll find that being listened to is one of the rarest and most treasured gifts you can offer. All it takes is intention and practice.

If you observe the conversations around you, you'll notice that, often, what many of us do is simply wait for our chance to speak. We're not really listening to the other person, but simply waiting for an opening to express our own view. We often complete other people's sentences, or say things like, "Yeah, yeah," or "I know," very rapidly, urging them to hurry up so that we can have our turn. It seems that talking to one another is sometimes more like sparring back and forth like fighters or Ping-Pong balls than it is enjoying or learning from the conversation.

This harried form of communication encourages us to criticize points of view, overreact, misinterpret meaning, impute false motives, and form opinions, all before our fellow communicator is even finished speaking. No wonder we are so often annoyed, bothered, and irritated with one another. Sometimes, with our poor listening skills, it's a miracle that we have any friends at all!

I spent most of my life waiting for my turn to speak. If you're at all like me, you'll be pleasantly amazed at the softer reactions and looks of surprise as you let others completely finish their thought before you begin yours.

Often, you will be allowing someone to feel listened to for the very first time. You will sense a feeling of relief coming from the person to whom you are speaking - and a much calmer, less rushed feeling between the two of you. No need to worry that you won't get your turn to speak - you will. In fact, it will be more rewarding to speak because the person you are speaking to will pick up on your respect and patience and will begin to do the same."

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Learn How to Listen Better With These Proven Steps

In today's environment, learning how to listen better is the best source of conflict resolution, relationship repair, and leadership development.

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Vacillating Values and Vanishing Vigilance. From T.O. Illustratio

Guest writer T.O. Illustratio explains how circumstances and challenges of life can inflict the double pain of vacillating values and vanishing vigilance.

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The Dog On The Porch

In the "What's New" block on our home page, you'll read about an old story of the dog on the porch. Here it is, although I can't remember who originally came up with it.

There was a traveling salesman who got hopelessly lost on some country roads. He didn't see any signs directing back to the interstate and didn't even come across any homes to ask for directions.

After driving for miles with no idea where he was heading, he finally saw on old farm house, all by itself, set back from the road.

As he drove up toward the house, hoping to get some help in finding his way back, he noticed a gentleman sitting on the porch, slowly rocking back in a chair. There was an old hound curled up next to the man.

He got out of the car and asked the man how to get back to the highway. Before the farmer could answer, that old hound jumped up and let out a blood-curdling yelp and then settled back down next to the rocking chair. The salesman was startled by the sudden howl, but regained his composure and tried to ask the same question.

Before he could get the sentence out, that dog leaped up again and bellowed another painful cry, and then as in the first case, settled right back down. The salesman noticed that the farmer never flinched, never even seemed to notice his dog shrieking in pain.

As he tried once more for directions, the hound repeated the drill and jumped up while wailing a painful caterwaul. The salesman finally asked the farmer what was wrong with his dog? The farmer calmly replied, "He's laying on a nail." The salesman asked why the dog didn't just get up and move, why he didn't do anything about it? The farmer replied, "I guess it doesn't hurt enough yet."

In this week where our theme is about thinking, particularly critical thinking, we should consider the moral of this story. We see repeated instances of corruption in national politics, but too often we fall back into the false security of the devil we know vs. the devil we don't.

We see things in our nation that we know aren't right, but hesitate to get involved. Maybe someone else will do it. Maybe we'll "do it later."

Here's the thing. It's later. And the pain will only get worse if we wait for someone else to do something. All of us need to get off the nail, drop the infighting, and think about what built our nation and how it is our job to defend it now.

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When Common Sense Is Not Common Our Nation's Potential Is Diminished

Our nation was built on principles like personal freedom from harm for all citizens. When common sense is not common, elitist agendas threaten those principles.

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Socialism In The United States and A Cautionary Fable

Guest author T.O. Illustratio shares a fictional fable that should lead us to pay attention to the impact of socialism in the United States.

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We Will Regret Not Doing The Math

Today we're following up on our post from yesterday about personal regret. In that page we alluded to commentary about some disappointing trends roiling our nation. If it doesn't appear to be affecting us up close and personal right now, the temptation is to ignore it. That would be the easy option. Let someone else deal with it.

Maybe it will be like Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz" and we can simply close our eyes, click our heels together, and all will be well. It won't work that way. And we will regret it. We'll regret our indifference, we'll regret our hesitation, we'll rue the day when we saw it, recognized it, and didn't rectify it.

Over the next two days in this spot, we'll post consecutive columns that offer some clarity, albeit the first one in fable form from our favorite guest author, T.O. Illustratio. Both pages point out the regret that accompanies missed chances, even when the evidence is clear and present.

There's always been a culture to some degree of willingness to let someone else do the heavy lifting, while getting in line for free cash. And there's always been a horde of politicians willing to promise things that are unsustainable at best, and destructive when implemented.

But the trend in our nation now has both of those segments, the shirkers looking for everything free with no requirement from them to contribute, and the carpetbaggers promoting the fiction of socialism to rid society of the evil capitalist system that provides them all this nation offers.

In the segment of my state where this column is being typed, we're not directly involved with this dangerous trend that is infecting large cities. But I don't have to drive more than a hour or so to hear the same fictitious rant of a would-be candidate seeking to bring socialism to our area. It doesn't directly affect me right now. But if given the opportunity to take root, just as adding toxic chemicals to our farmland eventually harms our health and prosperity, so to will the proven failure of socialism. And I will regret my inaction.

Now to be clear, there is one big advantage in the socialistic wave sweeping our political landscape. The politicians who are riding the coattails of this proven failure will be getting rich. Skimming from the pot is easy when no one is watching. But the math is simple. When no one is producing, innovating, building, and the loafers are sleeping in and taking, the numbers don't add up.

We will regret not doing the math.

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If We Allow It!

Normally it's just a week or so. That's usually the time frame for our weekly content themes. You'll find those rotating subjects within the "What's New" paragraph on our home page.

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But we've changed it up a little over the the past 14 days. We've stayed with the theme of seizing the moment. Within that subject you'll find columns about regret. It's almost a universal truth that every time we don't seize the moment, we eventually experience regret.

Regret can be like a concrete block shackled to our ankles, pulling us down to the ocean floor of despair. If we allow it!

I've been on that relentless decent toward slow suffering of despair. If not for a lifeline of hope from a stranger at the time, I might not have recovered.

Some missed opportunities are that powerful. If we allow it!

But those moments often come along like the "deal of the century." About every two weeks or so. We just need to look past the regret, on to the recovery. That recovery will come, no matter how deep the regret. The moment will present itself again, and I promise you, it will provide a lifeline. I can only make such a promise because of having lived it.

You will too, if you allow it!

Tomorrow, we'll share some thoughts on disappointing trends cropping up around our nation that are the antithesis of being accountable citizens of America. If we don't seize the moment and blunt the momentum of these trends, we'll certainly regret it.

One of two options will be the end result. Regret will set our nation back. Seizing the moment will lift it up. We've been in this spot before and eventually made good choices as responsible citizens.

Apathy, fear, and regret will break that streak. If we allow it!

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