"Let It Go, Dad." Words Guiding Me To Escaping Ego Entanglements.

My story of escaping ego entanglements requires a personal confession. Actually, a two part confession. The problem with ego is that it is as well camouflaged as the most sophisticated stealth weapons and as easily justified as the most dismissive form of victim mentality.

This stealthy character challenge is found in most of us in one form or another. Escaping the tentacles of egotism is one of the most difficult decisions to make because of the two problems included in the previous paragraph. Sometimes it's concealed by the veiled curtain of title. "I can't believe that idiot made that mistake. I'll lower the boom on him at the end of the shift."

While every manager is accountable to someone and his or her department falls under their respective responsibility, such a forceful retort to an underling's error will undoubtedly make things worse.

Status, pride, and ego tend to blind us to our own responsibility. Had that manager chose to escape ego entanglements, he could have calmly asked what happened, what was the thought process, and how can we fix it going forward? "Going forward." That's part of my confessions.

Confessions of Escaping Ego Entanglements

Like all great lessons, my first confession had residual benefits. It would come back to me years later. I remember when our oldest daughter got her driver's license. We gave her an older pickup with plenty of steel around it. Safety was our primary objective. For her of course, but also for anyone she might meet on the road. The lure of new-found freedom would entice her to test the power of her ride. It did so for me in my own youth.

Twice in two weeks we had to rescue her after running out of gas. After the second trip with a gas can, I launched into a self-righteous rant. "What is so hard about putting gas in the tank?" She insisted she had added fuel, but my stubborn egotism wouldn't consider any possibility other than she had just ignored the fuel gauge. Until I found a leak in one of the fuel lines along the rail of the truck.

Our daughter was more understanding of my apology than I was of her previous explanations. Her example was one the best lessons in escaping ego entanglements that I've ever received, or given.

She could have trapped me in my own harsh, inaccurate criticism. She could have filed it away for future use if it would help her get out of trouble down the road. She could have played the victim card. But she didn't.

Victim mentality is a cozy, comforting cocoon that absolves the individual of any personal responsibility. Looking to trap, to find fault is the best defense for this attitude. If nothing is my fault, I don't have to do anything to improve myself, my attitude, or my circumstances. If someone is promising me a free ride if I just mark their name on the ballot sheet, why should I assume any accountability?

Recognize The Signs

Looking within ourselves is very difficult. If we ever hope to escape ego entanglements we have to accept the existence of ego and how it holds us back. We have to recognize the signs.

My second confession is how I let ego affect my health, relationships, and outlook on life. Ego won't let us let go of past hurts, past attacks, past pain. Since we don't let it go, nothing is really in the past. We keep living it with every new day.

I was personally attacked, not physically, but rather in a calculated attack on my reputation. That it came from an organization that espoused a "higher calling" and a philanthropy mission made it worse. Coming from a con man or even a timid soul looking to avoid responsibility wouldn't have cut so deep.

In the end the smear campaign was proven to be false and I was given an "Oops, our bad" sort of apology. The whole thing was based on dishonesty and then it was allowed to take on a life of it's own. The position holders who knew the truth and could have stopped it, didn't because they lacked the will or the courage.

For years I held on to that anger, those hard feelings, and a desire to exact some sort of payback. Some way to force those initial operatives out of their positions. The ego within me affected my health. It cost me opportunities to enjoy life and made me not much fun to be around.

Finally my daughter reminded me of the fuel leak on her first vehicle, from decades ago. She asked what I hoped to gain from my retribution vendetta? Was getting them fired going to be enough? Would it reverse anything? "Let it go, Dad" was her advice.

I know people who've gone to their graves carrying the pain of past injuries, none of them their fault. Their time ran out and they missed so much. Even though I advised them to let it go and enjoy the next day with all it's promise, I wasn't following my own advice.

I'm able to write for this website because I learned to recognize the signs, and then follow my daughter's advice. I offer it to you here.

"Let it go, Dad."

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