Tag The Triggers To Change The Narratives That Disempower Our Personal Growth

In the interest of full disclosure, let me say, or write in this case, that this page has been languishing on the to-do list for a while. It would add value if written, but I didn't want to intentionally dig back into old memories. It would be a natural follow up to one of our pages to add extended context and impact to an important suggestion. But I didn't want to do it. And then we posted a column from T.O Illustratio about factoring in grace. That author's writings usually cause me to look inward as if they were pointing right at me. It did so again, and nudged or prodded-okay-pushed me into writing this page to help you tag the triggers to change the narratives.

In this composition, I'll draw from personal experience to help you recognize right off what is leading you into feelings that cause stress and depending on personal situations, anger and self doubt. If you read our page about mindfulness, you know that we went over a couple steps to clear away negative situations. I'll include two excerpts from that page.

Those steps definitely work, but as I wrote in that page, for many of us, myself included, there is a need to recognize the signs, to tag the triggers to change the narratives so those two steps can take full hold. This page will take you there.

Tag The Triggers To Change The Narratives

I spent parts of nearly every day regretting past decisions in my life. So much so that I imagined in my mind a life where I was given a reset button and transformed back to my mid-twenties. But in this fantasy, I was armed with all the life experiences gained and weathered in my real life. My decisions were much better and I had that "wonderful life."

But it was all false and while it afforded a period of artificial happiness all fantasies provide, it was hurting much more than helping. Rather than handling adversity and even the normal ups and downs of everyday life with even a modicum of restraint, nearly every event became a crisis or a challenge. My mind locked into past setbacks. Regrets from that past influenced present situations and tainted future possibilities before they ever arrived.

From our page about mindfulness

That was me. That was where my mind went, but there were physical warning signs before the full blown crisis took hold. I needed to be able to tag the triggers to change the narratives in my own head before I could get to the great advice I received. Here is another excerpt from that page.

She told me to practice long, slow breathing while doing the previous step. Deep inhale through the nose, slow exhale through the mouth. When I felt a stress moment or anxious activity pressing me, just fall back on intentional breathing and being present on one thing.

That couldn't happen until I recognized the signs. Increase in heart rate, a tightness in the chest, maybe a clenching of the jaw or even the fists? Sounds like a cardiac event, doesn't it? Depending on the root cause, it could get to that point.

Painful headaches, difficulty in focusing on daily tasks that we're used to doing repetitively, over and over, lack of focus or concentration? Sounds like a cerebral event, doesn't it? Depending on the root cause, it could get to that point.

Self awareness is vital for us to tag the triggers. We can't fix it if we don't recognize the cause. That accelerated heart rate is a trigger. So is the feeling of tightness in the chest. Headaches, lack of mental concentration, are triggers that we need to tag and respond to with corrective measures.

Things, people, circumstances that trigger these reactions are rarely the root cause. They are just a conduit back to a painful place that keeps rearing it's nefarious influence.

If you're like me, getting to that nirvana of slow, intentional breathing requires a first step and a dedicated response. The first step is to tag the trigger and then change the narrative in our mind.

Our brains are fantastic gifts. But they can lead us down rabbit holes if we allow them the opportunity. Our brains are really good at shifting blame toward external forces. The person who ticks us off about something completely unrelated to any past pain shifts our focus back to that distant, but never forgotten hurt. "Well, that just wrecks my day!" Really? The whole day is wasted over one guy getting in the way? Tag the trigger and let it go by. Separate fact from fiction.

What worked for me was to look at the scale of what triggered my stress at that moment. Was it really about this probably insignificant altercation or was it a subconscious flashback to history? Asked more directly, "Is it really worth the anxiety?"

Is the guy who triggered my accelerated heartrate really looking to confront me or am I just projecting his bad attitude on to my thought process? Our brains will run with this opportunity if we don't tag the triggers and change our mental narrative.

Change The Narrative. Separate Fact From Fiction.

This is still a work in progress for me. Sometimes for no apparent reason, my mind flashes back to a very painful period in my life and begins to replay the history, which reignites the physical reactions.

I've gotten pretty good at tagging the trigger of direct confrontation with bad actors and getting to that better spot where I can detach and practice what I know works. Slow, deliberate breathing and focusing on a single, positive thought as we described in our page about mindfulness.

thinking

But that thing where for no reason, my mind takes me back to dark places is still a challenge. As we've written before, the idea of "clear your mind" isn't possible. The action of clearing our minds requires us to use our mind. To tag this trigger, I force myself to change my mental narrative on to something very important in my life. Regular readers know we work with a student-led team that goes out into the real world to help people in need. That's where my mind goes when I tag a trigger.

If you're fortunate and never face these situations, great for you. If however, you're more like me and have this challenge, there is hope. You can get to the steps to being mindful when you first tag the triggers and then change the narrative in your mind. Your fantastic brain will go where you direct it, if you direct it.

It's kind of like habits. We don't break bad habits, we change them out for good habits. After we tag the triggers, we change out fiction for facts. We change our mental narrative away from the rabbit holes, and move into the mindset of being accountable for our own actions and our destiny as a leader. 

Please share your thoughts in the contact link in the next block. Someone out there is looking for your insight.

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