Are You Asking The Important Questions? What Do You Want To Be Remembered For?

Written By Guest Author T.O. Illustratio

"What do you want to be remembered for?" The subject for this seminar flashed across the screen as Don dutifully trudged into the very large conference room. He scoped out a table near the back. He had come to the conclusion over the past week that his fate was pre-determined and nothing coming out of this afternoon presentation would change that path.

The only reason he showed up at all was to pacify the pleading of an old friend. "What do you have to lose? If nothing comes out of it, you'll have filled four hours that would have been spent reliving your tortured past."

That statement was true. Painful to hear, but entirely accurate. His old friend had gone through some hard times two years before. He insisted this presentation changed his life.

Don noticed as the room filled up, most of the attendees arrived in pairs, couples, or partners. Dan was devoid of such a luxury. That was the ultimate reason his life had taken such a downward turn, descending into the death spiral like a plane that had lost lift in its wings, unable to correct the dive. The only remaining question was how much the final impact would hurt at the end.

"This was a mistake," he muttered to himself as he plotted a timely escape. But it was too late. The introductions had begun and he would be too noticeable leaving now. He decided to wait for the first break and just never come back.

"What Do You Want To Be Remembered For?"

Don was geared up to reject everything shared from the microphone. He began his criticism with the title. "What do you want to be remembered for? What kind of proper English was that, ending a question with a preposition?" When Don was determined to find fault, to cast blame, or to accentuate the shortcomings of the person in front of him, he was relentless and surgical. This simple English correction was merely a mild example, a sort of warm up for his domineering side.

His wife, his kids, and his employees had all felt the sting of his wrath, the ferocity of his words. Don justified in his clearly superior mind that he was trying to correct their patterns of failure. Over time his family reminded him of how he had repeatedly demeaned them. He believed they never let anything go. They never forgot and just "got over it." And then they left.

Some of his best employees took the same escape route. They remembered the negative vibes that permeated the work place.

Everyone was given a blank sheet of paper and a pen. The presenter, whose field was in relationship repair gave them a simple opening instruction following the overview of what would happen throughout the day. "Write down all the character traits, all the attributes that you would like to see in the people closest to you, or who used to be close to you and drifted away. List anything you think they need to improve upon. Be specific and give it some serious thought."

Don had no qualms about this initial task. He quickly wrote down all the things he had constantly, repeatedly tried to get his wife and two daughters to understand and accept.

Trust his judgement, pay attention to details, focus on the task at hand, get the work done before the fun, accept constructive criticism, let go of past hurts, don't constantly remind him of when he had been harsh with them, forget past arguments.

The Transformation

All the negative energy transitioned from mind to pen to paper, like a raging flood crashing through a valley. He only stopped writing when the presenter asked them to put down their pens.

What happened in the next half hour transformed Don's very being. The presenter asked if anyone would like to share their results? A young man raised his hand and brought his clearly reluctant wife with him up to the stage.

When prompted, he told the audience that they had been married for five years. The last two had been difficult. Job losses, crushing debt, and daily bickering had sapped the love and respect from their marriage.

This young groom had written that he wished his even younger wife would be more understanding, more patient. He knew things had been difficult, but if she would just try harder, they could get past it.

When asked what she wrote, the tearful bride only had two traits written down. "Be honest with me. Be the person I married." Then she dropped a bomb on the room, with a direct hit on her husband. "I came here because you asked me to do so, but I intended to tell you I'm leaving you." Her husband was stunned and the room was stone silent. The presenter asked if she needed a minute to compose herself.

Her reply was unwavering, even when fighting back tears. "When we first met, you told me everything. We shared the good news and the bad news. I was drawn to your honesty and sincerity. Now you withhold the truth, the depth of our financial stress, the hopeless predicament we're facing. We used to work together on everything. I trusted you to be honest with me."

The presenter suggested this would be a good time for a break. Don sat in his chair, stunned by what he had just witnessed. He flashed immediately to the early years of his own marriage.

As a young couple trying to start a new business with a newborn, their time was maxed out, their finances were stretched thin, and every month brought questions about making payroll, paying the mortgage, and feeding the family. It was also the best part of their married life. Don and his wife worked together, laughed off the hard times and embraced every challenge as a shared opportunity.

Don barely heard a word over the next two hours. He kept thinking about that young couple. He saw himself and his own wife in those two kids. If he could just talk to them, he could help them. He wondered if it was too late for them?

He did hear one thing. The presenter asked the people in the room what they thought the people closest to them would have written about them. That young woman this afternoon said she just wanted her husband to be honest with her as he used to be when she married him.

Don's own wife, even his daughters asked him why he was so hard on them? He used to be so kind and caring. The business they built together in the early stages was a roaring success. It provided all they could ever need and so much more. Why wasn't it enough? Don wondered if this was all they saw of him. What do you want to be remembered for? He didn't want that memory to be of pain.

The presenter closed the session with a quote. "Be the type of person you want to see in others." Don knew the answer now. What do you want to be remembered for? He knew. He wanted to remembered for being kind and caring. He wanted to be the person his wife married, the person his daughters used to look forward to being around. Nothing on that list he wrote two hours ago mattered any more.

Don wanted his family to remember him as kind and caring. He wondered if it was too late for them?

Written by T.O. Illustratio

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